Articles
Tolerating One Another
“Did you notice how long Jack is letting his beard grow? Every week I see him, he looks more like the ‘Duck Dynasty’ guys!”
I’ve received both positive and negative comments about my white beard over the years. I’ve received many comments, both good and not-so-good. In a group setting, one lady said, “I don’t like men with beards.” I’ve also had a man in public ask, “When will you cut your beard?” Although they nor their comments upset me, I was surprised at their comments, especially since they were members of a group of believers. I feel safe to say that others may have also questioned my beard, style, and length, although they kept their opinions to themselves.
These potentially insensitive comments reflect what the speakers are thinking. We all have similar thoughts when we see someone unlike us. We are all guilty. We believe we can’t get to know this type of person because of our differences in either appearance or personality - or both! “They’re just not my type,” I’ve heard said my entire life when we choose not to get to know someone. We avoid someone we feel is different from us and feel there’s no use expending our time and energy to get to know this person.
Tolerance, in its essence, is about respecting the existence or practice of something, even if it’s not our personal preference, without imposing our views. It’s about acknowledging and valuing the diversity of differences within our church family.
Although my opening example may not apply to most of us, below are several examples of personal differences that I am confident we’ve all wrestled with:
- Personality Types. “We’d clash too much! He’s a ‘director’ type, and so am I.”
- Annoying Habits. “She’s nervous and always talks way too fast for me.”
- Knowledge Level. “I’m afraid to say anything; he’ll think I’m an idiot.”
- Appearance. “He’s covered in tattoos and looks like he just got out of bed!”
Titus 3:2 reminds us “to be peaceable, considerate, demonstrating all gentleness to all men.” Matthew 7:12 instructs us that “in all things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must do to them.”
When we “peel the onion back,” the principle we must learn as we tolerate one another is self-denial. We should be willing to lay down our differences to maintain unity in the body of Christ. Personal differences must take a back seat to spiritual growth.
“Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, exhort you to walk worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3
How can individuals effectively navigate personal differences to promote unity within the church community?
- Be Patient. When someone’s hairstyle triggers a feeling of disgust, please don’t react hastily and realize that it’s their preference. When we don’t react hastily, we develop patience.
- Care About Others. It’s not all about you. Making the time to help others will allow us to grow together and get to know each other better. This is where real growth occurs!
- Listen Attentively. Show love and respect by listening attentively to others when they share with you what they enjoy. This helps them feel understood and shows that you genuinely care about them. Don’t feel the need to recommend something ‘better.’ Instead, listen intently and carefully, and consider asking them to allow you to participate with them.
- Pray. Ask God to help you to be more tolerant.
- Demonstrate Acceptance. Remember, as Yeshua accepted you even in your imperfections, we must accept others as they are. This fosters a sense of belonging and appreciation within our church family.
- Stop Harsh Judgment. You’re also flawed; by all means, don’t be hypocritical. Look at yourself and realize some of us probably don’t enjoy everything about you.
In closing, we should never allow our differences to prohibit the development of relationships. When you tolerate someone, treat them with love and respect, and in so doing, you are participating in unity and future church growth.
“So, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you. Above all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” - Colossians 3:12-14
I love you all,
Jack Coleman
